i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
