you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
