So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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