worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
