about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
