If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
