Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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