the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
