The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
