wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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