I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
