So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
