Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
