no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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