Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
