dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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