Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
