You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
