another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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