afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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