My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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