They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
