You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
