dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
