Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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