The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
