We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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