Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
PANTIES FOUND
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
