Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
