He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
