So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
