You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
