And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
