woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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