No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
