your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
