plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
