And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
