I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
