Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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