i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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