You work out of a Hotel?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
