Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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