it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
