just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
