Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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