Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
