pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
