Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
