Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
