I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
